How “can I hold space for a friend” without taking on another person’s energy? She wrote.
Oh! Wow! Guru DeeDee is not sure she knows………however it did take me about 20 years to understand and learn this one.
I see all through FACE BOOK people saying “I am holding space for you “in your time of need, or your situation. Honestly I get annoyed at the use of the phrase.
You cannot hold energy or space for another being.
You cannot step into the spot where their energy should or could be.
You can only ever state your truth at that very moment to allow your love to support them.
Then go about minding your own vibration. Because they have to mind their own.
It’s like when I used to be so involved with clients and friends my phone did not stop! Ever!
Updates, why’s? What will I do’s ? and I would bend my life to help. Endless hours consoling and listening. Being very spiritual and helpful. Or as people say in that catchy way today I was holding space for them.
What? How long is the string holding an empty space and is it tied to your finger?
We can project love. We can say meaningful words. We can always do a kind deed, but we cannot put our beautiful and unique life on hold to keep a space open for another.
It’s not like saving a seat at the movies.
Sorry you asked this question? Mmmmm!
It is just not possible.
You are your own safety. You are your own protection, and once you have total faith in You, never again will you utter that silly phrase.
Here is what happens when we assume responsibility for another person’s energy.
We go from empathy to sympathy, and sympathy is debilitating for both parties.
If we work in loving compassion that is a different thing. It is not expected that someone else can solve my problem. We are open to their soul’s consciousness and act in non-judgement.
Then we understanding that our friend has a lesson to learn, a different way of thinking to come to terms with, and his own problem to solve.
It is his or her life, it is his or her energy block. Unlike taking a laxative, we can’t clear their shit until they are ready to drop the dependence and take action.
Bet all your friends are loving me by now!
Oh that’s harsh you might say? Well it’s harsh on the friend taking longer to learn his bloody lesson and expecting you to be the solver extraordinaire!
Now back to the question…… how can I hold space without taking on another person’s energy?
Well if you get into sympathy, blaming, taking control, I know how you feel, I will solve your problem for you because I am smart…..get out quickly!
If this friend is allowing you to do the heavy lifting with your ears, they may just be painted on.
From experience in 6 weeks if it is not you, it will be other eager ears and same story.
If you don’t hear from them again just hope they have made a quantum leap into self-respect and self-responsibility.
So why do you now feel so bad?
Habit. We all like to think we can save the world. We are all naturally compassionate.
We want to allow love to flow through us to heal others.
And it does, but not by holding an invisible space for them till they decide to work hard at their situation.
When they have moved their energy, and begun the new path, it will be fun to share experiences.
To learn from each other in happy and spontaneous love.
Until then, we can use techniques to shield our energy. We can put a time limit on how long our poor old ears listen to their wallow.
The stage I got too was to be straight, truthful, and state, when you have had the conversation, written the goodbye letter, given notice or whatever, ring me and we will chat about your plan.
One friend left her husband 6 times and still could not understand that it was her own problem to solve, always another version of untruthfulness in her mind, and seeking dependence on others for relief.
Once the boundary is set you have taken control of your own energy and really that is the only thing you can do.
So “holding the space” for someone is not something we can do.
Be concerned, compassionate, helpful, and kind. Allow others to feel your love. Show them that you are strong enough in your own unique soul’s energy where sanctioning boundaries is a responsible part of growth.
Do I falter? Oh Yes! Just last week I fell into the trap. It took 2 emails to apply my boundaries, and a few minutes of hard talking to myself about it.
If another person’s energy is draining you, if you give away your time, or if you feel you have to do the work for them. Jump out of dreamland, look in the mirror, see your beautiful unique soul staring through your eyes, and say. Hold your own space sweetie, I am all out of string.
Do your own work. I am working on my own life.
Oh! and say it with compassionate love.